And...you lost my attention - First Sentences That Don't Suck

“There I was at 15,000 feet, both the engines on fire and my parachute in the laundry…”

Wait WHAT? What happened to this dude? Inquiring minds want to know!

 

Now that grabbed your attention right?

 

 

When we talk to a potential customer (prospect) or even a potential recruit for our company, first sentences are important.

·      They set the tone and mood for what you’re about to say.

·      They either excite us to know more or they turn us off.

·      They either put up our guard (“Oh boy, here comes the sales pitch”) or they make us trust the speaker/presenter.

The same goes for the first sentence of a social media post and even for an email subject line. If you’re boring, our brain and eyes skip. “Meh it’s just another post from Suzie.” “Oh, it’s just another email from my Perfectly Posh rep wanting me to buy something.”

Ouch.

 

 

Let’s do a little exercise. Write down the first thing to say to people when you talk to them about your business.

I’ll wait…

Are you staring at your screen, not able to think of anything? A lot of us don’t really know what to say.

 

Pretend you are your prospective customer or recruit – what would you want to hear? What would make you go, “Oh wow, tell me more!”?

 

Recruits

If you’re talking to a recruit, try this: “If you have a few minutes, I’d love to tell you…” then add a story.

Stories sell – facts tell.

“If you have a few minutes, I’d love to tell you how I paid for both my car payment and my husband’s car payment by working 5 hours a week and making women feel amazing.”

Wait, 5 hours a week? How do you make women feel amazing?

 

Give your great sentence, then listen. What does your possible recruit say? Do they sound like they are interested and have the time? If not, then they may not be a good recruit. While you may just feel as if you want to recruit everyone, you really want to be selective. You don’t want to recruit someone you’re going to regret adding to your downline later. Can you imagine?

 

Customers

If you’re talking to a potential customer, you obviously need to tailor your message to your product. Your first sentence should be like a headline – grab their attention. Someone asks you what you do?

·      “I help fashionistas find new styles.”

·      “I help people who like taking care of their skin to try amazing products all of which are under $25.”

·      “I find ways for women to look both professional and fashionable.”

·      “I help people lose those extra 10 pounds that they just can’t seem to get rid of.”

·      “I help ladies who love to entertain to make their houses smell divine.”

You get it. Give them something to think about, make the next question, “Wait, how do you do that?” to start the conversation. Now if they’re not interested in being fashionable or taking care of their skin, then they won’t ask (and no skin off your back, ha ha). But if they are interested in what you’re saying, then you can continue the conversation by listening to what they have to say and expanding on it.

 

Social Media

There are thousands of posts on everyone’s feed every day. Thousands. Heck, more than that. How do you get someone to stop and read your post (aside from tagging them which can get annoying)? Make your first sentence like a headline – headlines draw you in right?

You’re in the line at Walgreens and you see a magazine and the headline reads, “X and Y to divorce – proof she cheated!”

WHAT? Wait, I thought they were all good! She cheated? Let me see that.

Think as your customer/prospect. What would draw one in? Keep in mind that you, as a seller, are not your customer/prospect. So you need to draw THEM in with language that would draw in someone who doesn’t know about your product.

Some examples:

·      “I have a secret problem.”

·      “The Number 1 requested Christmas present.”

·      “[Famous Celebrity] used X product and look at her/him!”

·      “What your spouse really wants for their birthday.”

It’s vague, but gets you to keep reading. And that’s the goal. Stop the eye. Bring it in. Share something just for them – exclusivity. Then tell the story. Here’s an example:

“I had a secret problem.

I don’t share it with everyone.

I was a beauty product hoarder. *Looks down in sadness* I had a whole product graveyard under my bathroom sink.

Want to know how I fixed that? I received my first product from [XYZ company]. After that, I threw away everything else.”

 

Email Subject Lines

The same principles can be applied to email subject lines when you send emails for your customers or recruits. Give them something that makes them want to open it. Shocks the system. Gets the, “What?” response. A quick story – when I was a therapist in Providence, RI there was a gentleman who lived on our street who had schizophrenia. He walked in front of my car one day and started, apparently, fist fighting it (he didn’t hit it, more of air boxing). What? I rolled down my window. “Sir,” I said, “excuse me, you’ve just won the lottery.” He stopped. He was confused. He continued to walk across the street.

Find a way to get your customer or prospect to make the “huh” face and I’m betting they will open your email just to see what the heck is going ON. Some examples:

·      “You probably shouldn’t open this.”

·      “Are you OK with losing money every month?”

·      “Get rid of the 9-5”

·      “Know anyone who likes to take care of their skin?”

·      “I bet you don’t know anyone who wants to lose 5 pounds…”

Choose words that shock the reader into attention. BUT then make sure the rest of your message is good! Have a problem and a call to action (what should they do to fix the problem).

 

Go practice on your social media posts and in your customer emails! Let me know what creative first sentences you come up with in the comments!

 

Want to learn more? Check out Tom “Big Al” Schreiter’s book “First Sentences for Network Marketing: How to Quickly Get Prospects on Your Side” (not an advertisement, just something that helped me formulate my ideas for this post).